mundifies | i/m not h e r e

[ from here ]

[ If Jasper is going to stab him to make a point, just make sure you leave his face be. He wants to die pretty, at least. ]

aw, am ah hurtin yer poor wee feelins?

naw, no really. ah honestly couldnae gie twae shits aboot the devil.

[ from here ]

[ LOUD SIGH. It's always the scruff. Can't people leave it be? ]

no interested. how? wit's yer deal?

I don't want to change it! I like it. However, I also have beard burn, you fuck, so I feel like it could be softer and you should let me rub nice things into your face. I can make it worth your while.

[ from here ]

noo john is definitely an auld man's name.

look am jus sayin ahv never met another young lassie called esther but ahv definitely met auld wifeys called esther

wit's it mean by the way? yer name?

Edited 2019-03-11 21:53 (UTC)

well tha makes ah change. ah wid say sorry but ye cannae blame me fae bein enthusiastic. maist folk wid consider it ah small price tae pay.

[ Niven snorts: beard burn. Really? Although, he hums thoughtfully: ]

if ah said aye wid tha mean ye would still rub other nice things into mah face?

[ If she, ah, catches his meaning. ]

I think we can agree to disagree there - John's definitely a younger name than, say...'Albert'. Your name's a first for me, that I can say for sure.

[ She knows what her name means, the different derivations; even though she'd asked time and time before, she used to ask her mum to tell her what it meant, the various stories that came with it. It's associated with a goddess, with a Queen. But that'd mean a lot of explaining, and a lot of remembering the woman who gave it to her in the first place.

So, she goes for the simpler answer. ]

'Star'. Does yours have a meaning..?

Not only will I sit on your face if you let me play with your beard, I am prepared to make the process very appealing.

( ah, gwen. subtle like a brick. )

naw, ah get that. there's no many folk wi mah name. it's uncommon even in scotland. it's mair ay surname than ah first name these days.

tha's pretty.

[ Niven's had something similar, only because he knew his name was so unusual. He's not sure who came up with it, but it's almost horrendously apt considering what he can do - his parents had clearly planned it. They knew what he was destined for.

It makes him feel even more bitter: ]

'little saint'.

an considerin ma middle name is 'wilson' ma name is literally three surnames.

[ SIGN HIM THE FUCK UP. ]

ye huv such ah way wi words, gwennie.

Now there's an old man name.

[ Esther pls. ]

actually

wilson wis ma mother's maiden name so mair fool ye, hen.

People have paid money for my poetry, auld lang twitter.

( that's kind of an endearment. it's the closest she gets, anyway, without hardcore drugs and injury involved. )

[ Well, that made him snort. ]

should ah consider masel lucky tae recieve such ay service fae free, then?

You've basically hit the jackpot.

[ from here ]

well fae the record: am no auld. [ And doesn't Niven just know it. Keeping V in one piece is a job and a half.

As for his reputation: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

ah mean if ah dae buy ye alcopops it basically tastes like ah weird fizzy kind ay juice. an some ay them arenae fizzy tae. they're pretty low alco content. nowt tae complain aboot there.

Bucky oan the ither hand. oosh. but the prospective look oan yer face is gonnae be tae temptin'

[ And... fuck. So it has. How about that. Niven is his usual grumbling along to himself over this, practically sneering at his phone over this. My god, is he being sociable? Has this become a thing? ]

dinnae get used tae it, gobshite.

[ Aaaaand, there it is. ]

[ from here ]

tha is the saddest thing ah huv ever read. [ Kitty, play Despacito. ] ah wis hopin there wis some sort ay redemption fae ye but this confirms yer beyond fuckin saving you absolute fuckin melt.

[ And while imagination has previously been used for scoffing, it's now Niven's term to snort and roll his eyes - although even that's not possible to express over texts. Yeah. He just doesn't believe you, Ben. ]

aye right. ye? celibate? tell us another guid joke while yer at it, Ben. besides, fae somebody so dead against being referred tae as an exorcist, ye seem so keen tae be doon wi them.

[ Look him in the eye and tell him you don't want to fuck him, you coward. ]

That's the spirit. Eternity is in love with the productions of time. ( if you thought you could escape the poetry quotes, well, then you were a fool. )

You're the professional, my dear, loud-mouthed friend. If alcoholic confections will get me where you want me to be, to perhaps stomach one or two whole beers for you so that you might drink with company and to fit in by your standard, then I must do what it will take. ( in reality, v has incredibly low expectations for this entire experiment. in the end, the truth stands that one can only live once, and while v is here, he might as well make the most of what he can.

also, he really is curious over whether he truly can build up a tolerance...he would be very impressed with himself. )

I had the feeling that you had something nefarious planned.

Oh, of course not, Niven. I wouldn't want to get the wrong impression.

Entirely unrelated, then: when do you plan on getting me embarrassingly drunk? ( refer to icon for the smarmy smile on v's face right now. )

Ooh, now look who's wordy today. ( don't ask Ben for a grade, though, if you know what's good for you.

also, Niven balks now, but just wait until Ben pulls receipts on every ounce of tea and every inch of shade one could possibly want. unfortunately for Niven, he'll likely moreso be on the receiving end of that than anything else...oops. )

The calling chose me, I can't deny it. And so did a sexless life, let's all really be honest.

Suppose I ought to just get used to it. Since that doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. I'm sure I can do without.

Can't miss what I don't have, and really, how important is something like that, anyway. Imagine all of the things I can do with any of that time not being spent on sex, like updating my reference guides, building some new shelving arrangements... You know, I've always wanted to take a sewing class, come to think of it.

( if this conversation was happening face to face? yeah, Ben might be giving himself away a little more. over text? many more advantages to his poker face. Ben doesn't toy often, but when he does...

though the real tragedy is not being able to see how much this rambling is possibly torturing Niven, right now. )

ye whit [ Your poetry quotes are wasted on this uncultured trashfire of a man, V. ]

ah like how 'professional' is the new codeword fae 'heavy drinker'. tha's no bad. an' if by getting ye where ah want ye tae be, ye mean 'tolerable' then ah guess tha's where this is goin, aye.[ Niven's own expectations aren't much higher in comparison. But at the very least, he can sit back and laugh at this attempt to build an alcohol tolerance as V will inevitably get off his face while Niven's barely working on a buzz. Drunk people are hilarious, after all. ]

'nefarious' is such ah strong word. consider it ah rite ay passage. yev got tae try Bucky at least once.

aye. guid.

[ Shite. He can't just say he's going to do something and then not do it, can he? He'll be called out for being all talk and he can't have that. But then, committing to something. SIGH. (Also, go fuck yourself with that smarmy smile, V.) ]

ahll keep yer posted. mebbe when yer less annoyin. an' out ay principle am gonny drink alone this time.

shut it, ya fuckin nerd. [ Ahh, such is his lot in life: the object of one's scorn and shade. It's hardly new territory.

And 'torture' isn't too far off the mark. Niven actually has to put his phone down and contemplate his life choices right now. He is literally putting his face in his hands and breathing deeply because surely he's not being serious. This is ridiculous. Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

But no, it's not enough to finish him. As if he would back down so easily - hiding behind a phone screen, it means nothing. ]

an' ma calling chose me an' look how tha's goin fae me. [ He's all for telling callings to go fuck themselves, these days. ]

ma god, Ben. keep goin oan lit tha' an ah will actually huv tae come doon there and shag ye oot ay pity. an' believe me ahv done far mair than drive seven hoors fae sex.

this is just soul destroyinly sad. ah might actually pour yin oot fae yer dick at this rate.

( the first warning sign, in retrospect, is that she doesn't say anything about it. she mentions when she plans on being in town, and doesn't comment on the date itself other than: that's when she gets in, she hasn't decided if she's renting a car or getting an uber, she'll be there when she's there, whatever, he can deal with it. what, like he's got something better to be doing.

well, he might. she has back up plans, accordingly.

the morning of his birthday, a package arrives ahead of gwen, presumably fielding the nonsense of an airport with varying degrees of patience at the various stages. the whisky cost someone else a small fortune, unopened but lifted from her father's private collection, still in its wooden box which gwen has opened only to wrap a poem around the bottle itself that's unsigned but still recognisable as almost certainly her own work. tucked in with it, a custom pressed record of a live performance that she hadn't seemed particularly interested in his disappointment at missing.

of course there's a card; )

Don't worry, I'm also going to blow you.

G.

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im just, crying a lot about this

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birthday boy.