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[mundifies]

 

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[mundifies]

[ from here ]

tha is the saddest thing ah huv ever read. [ Kitty, play Despacito. ] ah wis hopin there wis some sort ay redemption fae ye but this confirms yer beyond fuckin saving you absolute fuckin melt.

[ And while imagination has previously been used for scoffing, it's now Niven's term to snort and roll his eyes - although even that's not possible to express over texts. Yeah. He just doesn't believe you, Ben. ]

aye right. ye? celibate? tell us another guid joke while yer at it, Ben. besides, fae somebody so dead against being referred tae as an exorcist, ye seem so keen tae be doon wi them.

[ Look him in the eye and tell him you don't want to fuck him, you coward. ]

im just, crying a lot about this

[fumitory]

Ooh, now look who's wordy today. ( don't ask Ben for a grade, though, if you know what's good for you.

also, Niven balks now, but just wait until Ben pulls receipts on every ounce of tea and every inch of shade one could possibly want. unfortunately for Niven, he'll likely moreso be on the receiving end of that than anything else...oops. )

The calling chose me, I can't deny it. And so did a sexless life, let's all really be honest.

Suppose I ought to just get used to it. Since that doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. I'm sure I can do without.

Can't miss what I don't have, and really, how important is something like that, anyway. Imagine all of the things I can do with any of that time not being spent on sex, like updating my reference guides, building some new shelving arrangements... You know, I've always wanted to take a sewing class, come to think of it.

( if this conversation was happening face to face? yeah, Ben might be giving himself away a little more. over text? many more advantages to his poker face. Ben doesn't toy often, but when he does...

though the real tragedy is not being able to see how much this rambling is possibly torturing Niven, right now. )

[mundifies]

shut it, ya fuckin nerd. [ Ahh, such is his lot in life: the object of one's scorn and shade. It's hardly new territory.

And 'torture' isn't too far off the mark. Niven actually has to put his phone down and contemplate his life choices right now. He is literally putting his face in his hands and breathing deeply because surely he's not being serious. This is ridiculous. Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

But no, it's not enough to finish him. As if he would back down so easily - hiding behind a phone screen, it means nothing. ]

an' ma calling chose me an' look how tha's goin fae me. [ He's all for telling callings to go fuck themselves, these days. ]

ma god, Ben. keep goin oan lit tha' an ah will actually huv tae come doon there and shag ye oot ay pity. an' believe me ahv done far mair than drive seven hoors fae sex.

this is just soul destroyinly sad. ah might actually pour yin oot fae yer dick at this rate.